margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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