My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
