Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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