he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
