There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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