Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
