I think i peed on brittanys purse
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
