you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you would pick up someone in the library
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
