Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
