I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
FUCK WHALES
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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