Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
