There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
