I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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