now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
