chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
