Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
