She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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