I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
