i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
