Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got inside last night via doggy door
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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