highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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