i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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