No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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