I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
