I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
