I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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