Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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