hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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