Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
