He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
