We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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