how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
