Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
nut hugger
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
