shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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