when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
