We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
