Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
