capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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