She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
