new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
