she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
even my farts smell like vagina
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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