took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
