My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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