At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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