OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
