Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
