i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think i got beer on your cat.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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