That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
