I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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