rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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