while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
