who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
